BEAUTIFUL MESS?

Beautiful:  
1.  possessing qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind

Mess:

1.  dirty or untidy state of things or of a place
2.  make untidy or dirty

Beautiful and Messy.  These two words certainly don't seem to go hand-in-hand, do they?  I don't think they do, anyway.

I once had someone in my life who seemed (or so I thought) to have it all together.  So I asked her how she did it.  She said, "Jeanine...I'm a beautiful mess."

Huh?

How can you be "beautiful" and a "mess" at the same time?

Then I started to think about it.  Beauty...as in the eye of the beholder.  God created me and in His eyes I am beautiful.

I, however, mess up.  A LOT!

I'm a continual "work in progress"...in body, in mind, in spirit.

I see my flaws.  I see wounds accumulated during life's journey.  I look in the mirror and still see the scars of teenage years and have a difficult time allowing people to look at my face for fear they will see ugly.  God looks at me and sees none of it...only the me He created and loves.

I see an imperfect body.  One that over the years has changed and sagged and expanded in more ways than I can count.  God sees a body that carried lives from their very beginnings...and three times to their early journeys back to Him.

I open my mouth and fumble what comes out.  I hear only the mistakes or slip-ups of my words.  God hears the words of my heart.

I see the once proficient talents and skills that kept up with the world around me but have lessened in adequacy during my season of mothering.  God sees a woman who has new talents and skills and encourages and supports her to see them herself.

I see a woman who falls short as a wife and mother.  God sees the abundant love in her heart for her husband and children and the desires she has to nurture them, encourage them and support them in each step of their life's journey.  He knows this love because He has this love ten-fold for her.

As hard as I try not to...I create messes or I see messes within myself.  Oftentimes, I allow the messes to define me.

But God doesn't see me that way.  He doesn't define me as a mess.  He loves me...with all my imperfections and flaws and insecurities and self-judgement.  He makes it clear to me every day how much He loves me.  He shows Himself to me each day...sometimes in big ways...but most often in the small and ordinary things of the day.  Even though He doesn't have to, He proves Himself...especially in times of doubt and worry and distress.

He does this because He "is."

It's that simple...and complex...all wrapped into one.

He "is"...God...Almighty...Creator...Father.

So as I journey through life I know that I will continue to mess up, to make mistakes, to doubt, to fear, to judge...to be human.  And every day...because of God's grace and mercy and His love for me...He will look past the mess and see beauty in the person I strive to be for Him.

peace.
Jeanine