BEAUTIFUL THINGS

So there's this song..."Beautiful Things"...that's been stuck in my head.

 

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things
Out of the dust.

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things
Out of us.

The words touch my heart.

My soul.

You see...this song makes me think of my husband and my children.

The last few weeks have been a wrap up of school and activities and welcoming in the excitement and new adventures of summer break.  Our son (14) finished up 8th grade.  We joined in his excitement over another season of football last fall and his first year of Track and Field this spring.  We listened proudly as he played saxophone in Jazz Band and Concert Band throughout the year.  We rejoiced in a final grade from a particular class that was challenging him.  We prepare now for him to continue saxophone in Summer Jazz Band.  In less than a week he will leave on his third summer mission trip with our church and be farther away than this mamma likes him to be...but he'll have a blast and experience he joy and rewards of being the hands and feet of Jesus.

Our daughter (9) just finished up 3rd grade.  She blossomed this year.  She is learning to play piano and listening to her lessons and practice makes us smile...from whatever room in the house we're in.  Thanks to her wonderful music teacher at school, she even had enough courage to play a couple songs on the piano in music class.  She pleaded for another puppy...and won...and she has taken on the task of training that puppy, as well.  This summer she will take more swimming lessons.  She will continue piano and working with the puppy.  She will play outside with friends and connect back up with friends from school.

These are not the children we thought they would be.  It was April 1999 that Parker was diagnosed, at four months of age, with retinal cancer.  It was October 2003 that Faith was diagnosed, at two days old (and being six weeks premature), with retinal cancer.  Parker's eyes, although treated quickly, left him with the side-affects of severe anxiety.  Faith's eyes were treated with lasers, chemotherapy and radiation and her side-affects were many...including hemorrhages, blindness in her left eye and less-than-perfect vision in her right eye.

With Parker I recall a psychologist telling us that we had a long road ahead of us.  Parker's emotional issues and anxiety would require years of treatment and it was going to be a far-from-easy roller coaster of a ride.  I told that psychologist he was wrong.  In fact, I believe I promised him he was wrong.

With Faith we sat in small room shortly after she was diagnosed and the doctor told us to prepare for not only physical handicaps but developmental handicaps, as well.  We should consider learning braille.  Raising Faith was going to be a challenge.  This time I didn't say it out loud, but I believed this doctor to be wrong, too.

Today, Parker is one of the most laid back kids you might ever meet.  He's witty, he's got a grin that melts this mamma's heart...and he knows how and when to use it!  He's makes the B honor roll every quarter...even if sometimes he has to run fast from third and slide into to home plate to get there!  He has a big, happy heart...as well as big, floppy hair that he says has become his "signature" look.  He has humor like his dad...not sure if this is good or not...and he gives his mamma big 'ol hugs.  His little sister can pester the dickens out of him...but don't mess with her or you deal with big brother.  His emotional issues and anxiety shows up periodically like they do time-to-time for most of us...but all-in-all, it's a thing of the past.  It's something that no longer has a hold on him...and that's a beautiful thing.

Faith can be summed up in a four words:  pink, shoes, sparkle and JOY!  No...she doesn't have vision in the left eye and her right eye is hanging in there...but it hasn't stopped her from much.  There are certain things she can't do for understandable reasons of safety, but what she can do, she does well.  She took 1st place in high jump for the 3rd grade girls for track and field day.  Although her report card doesn't include the typical letter grades yet, she gets all S (satisfactory), S+ and E (excellent) grades.  With the help of her teacher for the blind she is learning to properly and safely navigate through things the rest of us take for granted.  Faith is funny and sweet and can sometimes really work things in her favor...especially with her daddy.  She likes snuggles and animals and she is beautiful inside and out.  She might have a physical setback, but there is nothing developmentally handicapped about her...and that's a beautiful thing.

My husband has gone through more physical challenges in life than any person I know.  His story is one he tells well...so I won't do it injustice here.  He may be limited in some ways by physical handicaps, but he is unlimited in determination...and that's a beautiful thing.

Beautiful things out of dust.
Beautiful things out of us.

Yep...

God makes beautiful things.

See....

...aren't they beautiful?

Wishing you a peaceFULLYsimple...and beautiful day.
jeanine

LETTING GO

Sometimes there are things in life that we need to let go.

Maybe it's something that has a tight grip on us.

Maybe it's something that we have a tight grip on.  Something that has been part of us...our desires, our hopes, our dreams...something that makes us who we are...and we don't want to let it go.  Even if clinging to it is risky to others and to ourselves.

Eventually letting it go would happen on it's own, but we cling to it for as long as we possibly can.

Sort of like a fraying rope...

There are only a few strands left holding it all together.

If you wait, the rope will eventually break on it's own.

But sometimes you need to cut those few remaining strands earlier than you want.  You need to be ready to "let go" of whatever it is...thoughts, ideas, dreams, one more chance...

This week I will be letting go of something that I should have let go of almost ten years ago.

But it's time.

I am not one to ask for prayers for myself.  My prayer requests are for my husband, my children and our family...for other family members and friends.  Most of the time if there is something I need to take to God, I take it to God myself and try not to burden others with requests to pray specifically for me.

But this time, I'm going to ask.

I'm asking for prayers of comfort, of closure, of peace.


Prayers of strength to realize that letting go will not make me "less" and that my heart will only open wider to enable it to hold "more."

The blessings I have received in my life have been more than I could have possibly dreamed of.  These blessings will only multiply in years to come.  One more, added to one more, added to one more...and so on, and so on, and so on.

Those blessings will not disappear when I "let go and let God."

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well. 
Psalms 139:14

Wishing you a peaceFULLYsimple day.

peace.
Jeanine

LITTLE JOHN AT TARGET FIELD

Last night I had the strangest dream.

I was at Target Field for a Minnesota Twins baseball game and I was beyond excited.  Sitting just behind home plate was the cutest little boy...maybe about nine years old...and I couldn't wait to see him.  When he saw me, he ran up to me and said, "Jeanine...I was sitting here by the railing with my feet dangling over the edge and then I jumped down onto the field to move just over here...but then they told me I had to leave because I jumped on the field.  For some reason, though, they changed their minds and said I could be the Bat Boy at the next game!"

His eyes were lit up with excitement.  This little boy always seemed to be full of innocent mischief and one couldn't help but love him even more because of it.

Then he looked behind him and smiled at his dad who was sitting a couple rows up in the stands.
His dad waved at him and smiled back.

The little boy in my dream was my cousin, John.

John was killed in a motorcycle accident in September 2012.  He was 46.

Just a few weeks before John was killed, his dad passed away, too.

I loved John a lot.
I will miss him always.

I hope he and his dad enjoyed the game.


Wishing you a peaceFULLYsimple day.

peace.
jeanine

SO HOW'S YOUR SPRING BREAK?

"So...how's your spring break going?"

This was a question I was asked last night.

I hesitated with my answer because I wasn't really sure what to say.

My first thought was to answer, "Boring."  But that's just really negative and makes the conversation awkward from that point on.

Instead I said something like, "Ahhhh...it's...goooood."

The person who asked me this question sort of looked at me like, "Well it doesn't SOUND good."

But then I said, "You know...it's times like these that I'm happy we have children who are content to be home-bodies.  Although, if we all had our choice, we'd be in San Diego."

Unfortunately, trips to San Diego just aren't in the budget for spring break let alone all the other times we desire to go there.  "Some day," seems to be the answer to this topic of conversation.

But back to being at home.

I started thinking about this a little more last night.

Of the four of us in our family, I'm the one who wants to be "going" and "doing" stuff.  Don't get me wrong...I love home...but I like to escape it once in a while.  When I am home I tend to see things that constantly need to get accomplished:  laundry, dishes, cleaning, laundry, picking up dog poop, vacuuming, laundry, feeding people, more dishes, and yes...more laundry.  Venturing out for entertainment is something I thoroughly enjoy and desire to do on a regular basis.  I would be considered the "adventurous" one in the family saying things like, "Hey!  Wanna go do this....?" or "Wouldn't THIS....be fun to do today?"  I desire to venture out from the place I spend the majority of my day doing the majority of my work.  When the weekend comes I can guarantee you Scott won't say, "You know what I would LOVE to do this weekend?  Go hang out as a family in my cubicle where I spend the majority of my time during the week!  Wouldn't THAT be fun?"  Or you certainly won't hear my kids say, "Can we go back to school after dinner and just hang out there and then do the same this weekend?"  No...these are the places they want to escape from...not go back to during their down-time.  It's a little the same for me.

Their response to my question of "doing stuff" is usually met with something like, "Eh..." or "Um...not really.  Sorry, mom!"

But I get it.  Really...I do.

For my family, home is where they long to be after a long day at work or school.  It's where they desire to just hang out when they have a break.  Unlike me, they spend significantly less time at home and when they have the opportunity to be here, this is where they want to stay.  They are content here.  They don't care about the to-do list stated above.  "Home Sweet Home" is their place of refuge from the rest of life.  It's their place to relax and unwind and simply "be."

So back to the question, "How's your spring break going?"

I guess my answer is that those in our home who are ON spring break are enjoying it.  For Scott and me, it's just a regular week with children being at home.  It's fine...but certainly nothing exciting.  And I guess that's okay.  How horrible would it be to have children who expected grandness every time they have a break from school?  I am beyond thankful that this is not the case for us.

I do secretly hope, however, that before Parker graduates from high school...and then again before Faith graduates...we can spend the week of spring break some place a little more "spring-breakish."

But for now...we're gonna wrap up the week by spending some time outside today (because it was a whopping 40 degrees yesterday and today is looking pretty good so far, too!), meeting Parker's youth director, along with another youth and her family, for dinner tonight and then maybe tomorrow we'll go bowling.  But we're not doing anything before we pick up dog poop from the back yard.

:)

Wishing you a peaceFULLYsimple day!


peace.
jeanine

IF THERE WAS EVER ANY DOUBT...

I have never had any doubts about being a stay-at-home mom.

I love being mom to my kids.

Sometimes, though, I wonder if they care about having me home as much as I care about being home with them.

Every time I wonder they inadvertently prove to me that they do care.

Take for instance the last two weeks.

I've been gone more-so than usual.

Scott and I have both had meetings at the same time during the evening.  Parker is now old enough to take care of his sister.  But they won't go to bed before we get home.  And if we're gone later than expected, neither one of them like it.

The past couple of weeks I've had a small job tending a parade of homes model for our Realtor friend.  Tonight I got home and aside from the three dogs nearly knocking me over when I came in from the garage, the first one to greet me was not our nine-year old little girl...no...it was our fourteen-year old son.  I hardly set foot in the kitchen and there he was coming at me with his big signature "grin," arms stretched out wide and when he got to me he gave me one of his big ol' bear hugs!  "HI, MOM!!", he said, "How was your day?"  I barely answered with, "It was good," before he jumped into telling me about his day at school.

If you haven't figured it out yet...

I LOVE BEING A MOM!


Wishing you a peaceFULLYsimple day!

peace.
jeanine

ONE YEAR AND LOTS OF CHANGES

One year ago today my husband, Scott, woke up with what he had originally thought was a migraine headache but quickly discovered it wasn't going away.  His vision was significantly distorted in his right eye...his only eye, as his left eye is artificial.  We called his eye doctor and got in that morning.

As I drove our children to school that morning they asked, "Mom...what's going on?  Is dad going to be okay?"  As confidently as I could I told them that the doctors would figure out what's going on and not to worry.  All would be well.

Little did I know I was telling an untruth.

I got home and Scott and I left for the doctor.  Once there we quickly felt things spin quickly out of control.  Scott's doctor did not give a diagnosis but wanted him to see a specialist that afternoon.  We had to be across town to the specialist's office by 2 PM.  Scott's doctor recommended he not eat lunch...just in case a procedure was necessary.  We could feel our bodies tense.

Once at the specialist's it didn't take long for him to make a diagnosis.  Scott's retina was about 2/3 detached.  He needed surgery...not the next day, but that day.  Waiting a day could have risked almost complete detachment of the retina.  He was scheduled for surgery at 6 PM that evening.  He needed to be to the hospital by 4 PM.

My husband is one to keep his cool in these situations.  After four cancers himself and two children who each had cancer diagnosis as babies...he has learned to be stronger than necessary...mostly because he wants to stay strong to ease the nerves of everyone else around him.  Losing his vision, though, is something he has always feared and this diagnosis made that fear all too real.

He was scared.  So was I.

The specialist told Scott that there were no guarantees.  Even after surgery his vision could end up being compromised.  The fear of blindness was something Scott and I talked to each other about.  What would we do if this happened?  We decided to leave it in God's hands and cross each bridge as we got to them.  Right now, surgery was the bridge to cross.  Healing would be the next one.  One day at a time...letting God lead.

As we waited at the hospital, I made phone calls.  Scott's mom was already with us so she called his dad.  I called my parents.  They would be at the house when the kids got off the bus.  I called our pastor.  He asked me if he could come to the hospital.  I said, "Yes, please."  Scott and I wanted our kids.  We needed them there.  Our underlying fear was what if the day prior to this one had been the last day Scott would have even seen our children clearly...without cloudy, distorted vision?  He not only wanted Parker and Faith there so he could hug them and kiss them before surgery, but he wanted to SEE them before surgery.  He wanted to see everything about them.  So I called my brother and asked him if he would be willing to drop everything and pick up the kids at our house to bring them to the hospital.  I didn't want my 80+ year old parents to have to navigate city driving to get the kids to us.  My brother said he'd get them there as quickly as he could.

By the time Scott was prepped for surgery he was surrounded with love.  I was there.  His parent's were there.  Pastor Steve was there.  We waited for what seemed like hours...even though it wasn't...and then the kids were there with my brother and our oldest niece (18), who wanted to see Uncle Scott, too.  We talked, we did a horrible job of pretending not to be nervous.  The kids were so worried...you could see it on their little faces.  They stood as close as they could to daddy's bed.

I could see the fear in my husband.

There were times I felt like I wasn't going to be able to breathe.

Pastor Steve prayed with us.

And they took Scott away to surgery.

Steve had to leave shortly after they took Scott.  I excused myself from the others and walked out into the hallway with him...one because I wanted to thank him for coming and two because the room we were in felt like it was running out of oxygen.  As Steve and I stepped into the hallway I could feel myself take a deep breath.  When I get nervous I tend to hold my breath...and that's exactly what I had been doing.  I remember looking at Steve, voice trembling and saying, "I...am...so...scared."  He said, "I know you are...and it's understandable."  We talked a little more and he gave me phone numbers to reach him at outside of church.  I thanked him for coming and went back to everyone else.

Now it was time to wait for the surgery to be done.

My brother and niece took the kids back home where my parent's were waiting for them.  Scott's parents and I went to the waiting room.  Where I sat...and then paced...and then sat some more.

It felt like forever but the doctor eventually came to tell us the surgery was complete and it had gone well.  Scott could go home that night.  He would need to spend the next ten days completely face down.  His face would need to stay parallel with the floor.  We had already made calls to rent the proper equipment that would keep him "comfortable" during all of this so it was time to get him home and settled him in for healing.  The doctor would also need to see him every day for those next ten days, as well.

Once home we realized the equipment we rented wasn't going to be very helpful.  The next day we figured out how to make this work...which ended up being the futon mattress directly on the floor with neck pillows to rest his face in and an ice pack tied to his back to relieve back pain.

Here's what he looked like during recovery:

It was a long and uncomfortable ten days.  And Scott never complained...not once.

When I asked what I could do for him he would just say he was fine.  He wanted to listen to something.  I'd ask him, "Books?  Music?  What would you like to listen to?"  He wanted me to put the television on the Christian music channel.

He had nothing but time...

...to listen...

...to think...

...to pray...

...to talk to God.

And that's exactly what he did.

After ten days the healing process changed to ten days of eight hours of this continued face-down, eight hours of laying on his left side, then eight hours upright.  He excitedly told me that his eight house upright on Sundays would be used for church.  He missed everyone.  Several had been by to see him...but he couldn't see them...and he wanted to.  It was where he wanted...and needed...to be.

By mid-summer he was well-healed.  He has restrictions for the rest of his life.  But he's already had life-long restrictions because of his vision so this was just a few more restrictions added to the mix.  He was back to being able to drive.  Things were back to normal.

Sort of.

"Normal" just didn't feel right any more.  All that listening, thinking, praying, talking with God had him in a different path.  He had already been headed toward this path for quite some time prior to his surgery...but now it just seemed that nothing short of real purpose was going to be acceptable.  He wanted to use his talents and skills and life experiences to serve God.

I suggested he call Pastor Steve and see if they could meet...just to talk.  And they did.  And boy did that ever go well!  They meet now on a regular basis...and Steve is far more than Scott's pastor...he is a friend, a mentor, a confidante.  Scott is involved in vision-planning at church and he has stepped into an interim children's director position.

Since one year ago today I have seen my husband change.  He has become more relaxed.  He is softer-hearted.  He enjoys things more.  He listens differently.  He hears differently.  He sees life differently...and not just because of his physical sight being affected...but because his "eyes have been opened." 

Go grab your Bible...or just click the link...and look up John 9:1-15.

As I think back on these past 365 days God's love has once again shined through even the darkest of storm clouds.  He has encouraged us and strengthened us in ways we could never have imagined.  He promised in Hebrews 13:5 that He will never leave us and He will never forsake us.  And he hasn't.

God certainly doesn't need to prove Himself to anyone...but every day He shows Himself to me...to my husband...to our family.

He "is."

I know this because I've seen it...I've witnessed it...I've felt it...I've experienced it...through all the ways He has shown His love and His healing...for my husband, my children, me, our family.

As I reflect on all that has happened since one year ago today, I thank God with all my heart for His healing, His steadfast-love, His patience, His honesty, His truth, His warmth and His continual presence in our life.

He...is peace.  Simply and fully.  

Wishing you a peaceFULLYsimple day.

peace.
jeanine

SLEEPING THROUGH THE STORM

I've had a lot on my mind lately.

Personal things...family things...things I need to plan and organize (mostly out of my comfort zone).  There is one thing in particular that has had a tight grip on me.

Yesterday in church our pastor's message was related to the storms in our lives.  The scripture reading the for morning was from Mark 4:35-41.  It reads as follows:

That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”

He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”

Our pastor spoke of how during the trials of life...the storms...we need to ask Jesus to get in the boat with us.  To have faith in Him.  To acknowledge Him.  To invite Him.

Last night I found myself sleeping on the couch.  Not because of a marital spat, or because my husband was snoring or because I couldn't fall asleep.  No...it's because we have a nine-month old puppy who sometimes still has accidents.  Now keep in mind puppies in our house do not sleep in kennels at night.  The sleep with humans in beds.  With three dogs in our house that means there's one dog in each bed.  One with our son, one with our daughter and one with us.  The puppy.  Who last night decided to have an accident on my side of the bed.  Which meant cleaning the mattress...leaving my side of the bed wet.  Yeah...I know...you're thinking kennel...but it just doesn't work that way here.

Anyway...long story short...Scott was able to keep his side of the bed but I took the couch.  Taking the couch always makes me secretly happy (almost giddy) because we have the...absolute...most...comfortable...couch...EVER!  If I knew what sleeping on a cloud felt like, I would say that's what sleeping on our couch feels like!  On the other hand, we also have a really old, uncomfortable and lumpy mattress and I can't tell you the last time I slept well on it or the last time I woke up in the morning not feeling like I had the body of an 80 year old.

So there I was on my comfy cloud couch...snuggled up with my pillows and blankie.  Tired.  Thinking I'd fall right to sleep.

I don't know about you...but this is the time that thoughts/concerns/event planning/ideas, etc. all decide to come to mind.  As soon as my head hits the pillow...BAM...there they are!  Even when I'm on my comfy cloud couch.

Praying at night as I'm falling asleep is not uncommon for me...and then sneaks in the nagging thoughts, etc., and soon I've got a mix of those nagging thoughts, prayer, event planning, prayer, concerns, prayer...I think you get the picture.  The thoughts keep sabotaging my prayers.  So last night I...PRAYED!  I talked and talked to Jesus and told Him how grateful I am for Him being in the boat with me.  That I should know better by now to doubt storms in life because He always...ALWAYS...calms them...and then shows me something more beautiful than I could have imagined on the other side of the storm clouds.  I just kept talking to Him and talking...and talking...and talk...ing...until I found myself wrapped peacefully in His warmth and love and I slept like I haven't slept in a long time.  The only time I woke up is when Scott let the puppy down because she prefers to sleep with (on) her "mamma."  Once she curled up with me I slept even better.  This morning I didn't even wake up before the alarm on my phone went off.

I think there could have literally been a huge thunder and lightening storm last night and I would have slept through it.

Jesus can create such calm in the midst of our stormy hearts...if we remember to ask Him in.

Wishing you a peaceFULLYsimple...and storm-free day!

peace.
jeanine

PERSPECTIVE

Last night was our weekly family night at church.  When the adults were done with our study time together, it was time for prayer requests.  I shared a request from within our family that right now is manageable but over time could quickly get out of hand.  It was a valid prayer request and was met with nothing but encouragement and support from those in attendance.

And then others shared prayer requests...

...for seriously ill children that are one way or another a part of their lives.

Children.

I know what it's like to have a seriously ill child.  I know what it's like to fear that child will die.  I know what it's like to fear for their future.

Suddenly, my prayer request didn't seem as significant.

If faced with the choice of having to choose my current prayer request or the prayer request we were faced with nine years ago, I would choose today's situation...hands down.

When children are seriously ill, well...it brings the rest of life into perspective.

At least it does for me.

"Gracious God, I pray for all the sick and ailing of this world...especially the children...who don't understand what's going on.  Let them all feel your healing hand upon them.  Let them feel your warmth surrounding them.  Let them know that you are as near as their breath.  Surround them with your love and peace.  In Jesus name I pray.  Amen."

Wishing you a peaceFULLYsimple day.

peace.
jeanine

THE COMPANY YOU KEEP

"Tell me what company you keep, and I'll tell you what you are."
~ Miguel de Cervantes

Yesterday I had coffee with a friend.

We meet at a our regular coffee shop and our visits can last for hours.

I look forward to these meetings.

Yesterday I left the coffee shop to head out on errands for the rest of my day before getting home in time for the kids to get off the bus and I was refreshed and energized.  I felt blessed by this friend...by her words, by her honesty, by the fact that we can both talk to each other about pretty much anything that's in our hearts.  We talk about our families, about being moms, about how sometimes we can lose ourselves in caring for others.  My friend does not judge my quirks.  I haven't really found any about her that would even make me think to judge her.  It is a genuine friendship.  It was initiated by God.  He is part of our lives and our conversations.

I hope you have a friend(s) like this.

I have several.

It's a good thing...friends like these...

...because...

"If you choose to awaken a passion for God, you will have to choose your friends wisely."
~ Lisa Bevere ~

And then when you meet them for coffee, you can go about the rest of your day feeling blessed and happy that God has placed such beautiful people in your life.

Wishing you a peaceFULLYsimple...and "coffee with a friend" kind of day.

peace.
jeanine

WELL...THAT'S AN ATTITUDE WE NEED TO CHANGE!

On our way out of church yesterday we were visiting with one of the Sunday School teachers and when we got in the car Faith said, "He's a funny man!  I get him next year when I'm in 4th grade."  My husband and I commented on how men have a different "style" when teaching Sunday school.  My comment was, "Sometimes men seem to be better than women at these kinds of things because they make it more fun and silly."

Note the key word here was "SOMETIMES."

Faith said, "Yeah...sometimes."

And then Parker said, "Yeah...and women are just better at the diaper changin' and stuff."  Then he gave me a quick glance out of the corner of his eye, smirked his big "Parker smirk" and waited...

...for mom...

...to respond...

And respond, I did!  "Whoa, whoa, WHOA, there mister!  You get that attitude out of your head right now or you're going to be one woman-less man when you grow up!  Better at changin' diapers and stuff!  You won't get far with that kind of thinking!"

Parker laughed because he knew he was going to get me going with that comment.  It was his plan when he said it.  Scott thought it was all hilarious...but knew better than to chime in to help Parker out.

Better at changin' diapers...

Best be changin' that attitude.

Oh how this boy of mine can make me laugh.  And if he keeps this up, he'll be MY boy for a long, long time!

Wishing you a peaceFULLYsimple day!

peace.
jeanine

GIMME A BEER!

It's Lent.

Although I am no longer Catholic, my side of the family is.

Lent for Catholics means no meat on Fridays.

Due to snowy, slushy, slippin' and slidin' weather today, I drove my mom and dad to an out-of-town medical procedure for my mom.  I have four-wheel drive...they don't.  And...dad's 87 and mom's 85.  I am not.  They didn't need to drive on a day like today.

On the way home we stopped for lunch.  Mom was looking for fish on the menu.  When the waitress came dad said, "I'll have a hamburger!"  Mom said quickly, "Oh...no-no!  It's Friday...you can't have meat."

The waitress was quick to offer them their fish special for the day.

Mom said, "I'll have that, with a glass of water, please."

Dad grunted a little at being told he couldn't have a hamburger and then said, "I'll just have that, too.  And gimme a glass of beer!"

I honestly started laughing out loud...and mom and the waitress both giggled.

Can't have meat...but by golly...give the man his beer!

Love those two.

Wishing you a peaceFULLYsimple day.  And go ahead...tip back a cold one while you're at it!

peace.
jeanine

NOW you tell me!

It was twenty-nine years ago and I was months away from graduating high school.

Yes...twenty-nine years ago.  I'll just do the math for you and tell you I'm 47.  Now that we've got that covered...let's move on.

Where was I?  Oh yes...months away from graduating high school.

The world was a blank slate before me.  There were so many things I could do with my life.  The possibilities were almost endless.

Except for one...small...thing.

I had NO IDEA what I wanted to do with my life!  No only that, but my confidence and self-esteem was less than stellar.  I was absolutely TERRIFIED and the fact that it was made very clear to me that no one wanted me to leave home...even for college...only made it worse.

Oh sure...I had thoughts of what I wanted to be when I "grew up."  The top two were veterinarian or photographer with photographer taking the lead.  However, it seemed when I spoke of these things rather than being encouraged, I was discouraged.  It was suggested that I wouldn't make a good veterinarian because I would want to "save" all the animals...but I would also be required to let some of them go...or even "help" them in their deaths.  I decided they were right...I didn't have what it took to be good vet.  I was told by a successful photographer that should I choose the path of photography that I better plan on just giving up my life to the job.  They told me it was a 24/7 job...plus a few more hours if I could manage to squeeze them in.  I did know that I wanted a husband and a family and these less than encouraging words certainly didn't make any of that seem possible.  I guess this person was right, too...I didn't have what it took to be a photographer, either.

I would learn many, many years later that these people...without intending to be...were "saboteurs."  Their words, actions and lack of support and encouragement were sabotaging my dreams...and I wasn't strong enough to resist them.

I did end up going to college for a year.  It was horrible.  I stunk at anything math and science related (which would have probably ruled out the whole veterinarian dream right there).  I enjoyed history and political science (that last one surprised me then and it still surprises me today).  My psychology class was fun.  Literature classes were okay...but writing classes were better.  By the end of the year, though, I was adamant about the fact that college wasn't for me.  I convinced myself that it was because I didn't know what I wanted to do.  Really it was the fact that I felt guilty being away and when I decided to pursue something that would keep me closer to home...although less exciting...it made people very happy.  I realize now that I never even allowed myself to be excited about the possibilities that were ahead of me.

The following year after my one and only year of college I decided to attend business school.  This was more like a job rather than school.  I attended classes daily...almost like high school...and went home every.single.Friday afternoon.  I had a job back home and I worked every Friday night, all day Saturday from noon to midnight and had Sundays off.  The last quarter of business school was during the summer.  I had to be out of my living quarters in May so I stayed home that summer, driving an hour to school every morning and an hour home every afternoon.  That summer I worked every.single.night of the week, noon to midnight on Saturdays and again, had Sundays off.  I told myself it was good.

By the time I was done with business school I had a degree in Travel Management.  I could have booked you for an awesome vacation at any tropical destination of your choice.  Except I couldn't seem to find a job.  Again...I was encouraged not to move away.  Stay home...it'll be cheaper and you can save money.  So I thought, "I'll commute...really far.  It'll be fine."  But I couldn't find a job that would not only help you book the vacation of your dreams...but maybe take me to some far-off destinations as well.  Soon I was applying for non-travel jobs and ended up with one that was far different than what I expected.  Administrative.  All future jobs followed this same path.  And they were all fine.  I was good at these jobs.  I know this because people told me I was good at them.  They requested me for projects.  Some even asked me to do projects for them outside of work.  Eventually I was asked to supervise those who were my peers.

It wasn't all horrible.  Really.  It was during this time that I started building confidence.  I started to break out of my shell...as well as break some rules.  (Actually, I started to break lots of "rules.")  I started to discover who I was and gained self-esteem and independence.  I met the man that would become my husband.  When we started our family, that's when I found the contentment I had been looking for...being a wife and a mom.  Me being home with our children is what both my husband and I desired for our family.

But deep down, I knew I desired something for myself, too.  I told myself that in time I would discover what that was.

A few years ago I was offered the opportunity of having a life coach.  It all sort of just fell into my lap and the bonus was that it was FREE for six months.  Sold!  My husband had a life coach once that was provided through work.  I saw so many changes in him during his time with his coach.  When he shared with me some of the conversations he had during their sessions I almost felt like a sponge, trying to soak up as much as I could from what my husband would share with me.  Now it was my chance to experience this and I was beyond excited!

My coach lived in Missouri so we would meet via phone.  I can't even tell you how much I looked forward to these calls every week.  Through our sessions she was able to help me uncover things about myself that I didn't even know existed.  She encouraged me to find "me" and seek out the things that made me happy.  She encouraged me in my vision of creating "peaceFULLYsimple" and although I don't fully understand yet where God wants me to take this concept, my coach was the one who inspired me to at least breathe some air into the dream and make it something real and alive in my life.  I don't have time to explain my concept of "peaceFULLYsimple" right now...but the dream I have of seeing it grow into something has become part of my daily life.  My coach is the one who made me aware of my past "saboteurs" and encouraged me to be aware of any future "saboteurs" I will meet along the rest of my journey.

My coach inspired me in ways I never imagined.

When the time came to end our meetings due to a promotion my coach received at the company she for worked full-time, one of her final questions to me was, "So where do you see yourself going now?"  She encouraged me to think on this and then send her my response.

The answer that was revealed to me was nothing I expected and nearly shook me to my core.

The answer came in a quiet voice...almost a whisper.  And it was very matter-of-fact.

The voice said, "Be a life coach."

I remember just sitting there...dumbfounded...thinking, "Where did THAT come from?"

I know exactly where it came from.

God.

It was God saying, "You know all those trials in life that you've experienced?  You know how even in the worst of them you came out stronger on the other side of it?  You know how even when it was really, really hard I encouraged you to trust me?  You know how your coach just sort of "fell into your lap" and helped you discover things about yourself that you never even imagined?  That was all me...helping you discover what I've seen all along.  Now help someone else find in themselves what I already see in them...just like someone did for you."

This certainly wasn't anything I expected to hear.  Being a life coach had never even crossed my mind until my coach asked me, "So where do you see yourself going now?"

So...have I done this?

No.

I am confronted with new "saboteurs."  Saboteurs like money.  We can't afford the training I need for this.  At least not today.  Saboteurs like training that would take time away from my family.  But my children are older now and able to help in providing their care rather than needing all care to be provided too them.  Saboteurs like, "buy my husband has dreams he wants to fulfill."  So do I.  My dreams are valid, too.  Today I am aware of saboteurs.  Twenty-nine years ago I was not.   

So as I sit here today, typing what's in my heart, I think back to 1984 and realize that if I had chosen my "life's path" way back then, my life today would be completely different.  I think of all that I would have missed, too...especially during the last 23 years of knowing "my man" and being his wife and the mother to our children.  I believe the "life" God placed before me is the path I belonged on.  It is the life that God desired for me.  It is the life he made me for.  He chose to educate my heart...because he knew that's what I really longed for.  Now...because I am ready...he has planted in me the desire to share what he has taught me with others.  Not because I'm a product of higher education...but because I am his continual student.

My life coach brought out so much in me that had been hidden and buried for more years that I can remember.  She uncovered in me things I didn't even know existed within myself.  However, in the grand scheme of life...God is my continual life coach...seeing me just as he designed me to be...and helping me to see it, too.

Wishing you a peaceFULLYsimple day.

peace.
jeanine

CREATIVE TOILET ART

I discovered this in the kids' bathroom this morning as I was collecting laundry.
Apparently, creating "art" with the empty roll is far more fun than throwing it away.

This has "Parker" written all over it!

I love silly little surprises like this from my kids.

Wishing you a peaceFULLYsimple...and "creative" day!

peace.
jeanine

LONG NIGHT AND SIMULTANEOUS SNORES

It was last night at 11:15 PM.

I had just fallen asleep...that point where you've just finally entered peaceful slumber...when I was startled awake!

It was Faith standing next to my side of the bed.

"Mom...I can't sleep.  I'm hot."

Oh dear.

I immediately touched her cheek.  Nice and cool.  No fever...thank goodness!

"Okay...let's go get you into cooler jammies."

We went back to her room, changed her into shorts and a tank top and snuggled her back into bed.  I kissed her goodnight, told her I loved her and went back to bed.

This time I was just drifting back to sleep when I heard her next to the bed again.

"Mom...I still can't sleep."

I went with her back to her room and asked her if something was troubling her.

Nope...no troubles.

She said she was stuffy so we put a Breathe Right strip on her little nose.  She wanted me to stay with her in her bed.  So we moved all of her stuffed animal sleeping buddies out of the way and snuggled into her twin-sized bed together.  "Scratch my back, please," she said sweetly as she nuzzled in next to me.

So I gently scratched her back.  I kissed her forehead.  I prayed and asked God to take away whatever it was that was causing her to have a hard time sleeping.

Just when I thought she had finally fallen asleep, she popped up and said, "I need a tissue," and grabbed one from the shelf on her headboard and blew her nose loudly.  I hoped no one else in the house would wake up!

Benedryl.  Let's try Benedryl, I thought.

After swallowing one little capsule and requesting I stay with her again, we made another attempt at sleep.  Soon the breathing became heavier and I thought she had finally drifted off.  Then her little head popped up again and she said, "Mom...you can go back to bed."

Okay.  I kissed her again.  Told her I loved her again and went back to bed.

I don't even know what time it was when I heard her next to the bed again.  At this point I told her to grab her pillow and climb in with me and daddy.  She was happy to join us.

As she went back to her room to get her pillow, I scooted to the middle of the bed, threw the covers back for her.  She climbed in to make herself comfortable...and IMMEDIATELY fell asleep.  I don't even think her head hit the pillow yet and she was out.like.a.light!


Eventually I drifted off to sleep, as well.

Until 5:30 AM.  There I was...sandwiched between my snoring husband and my snoring daughter.  When one breathed in...the other breathed out.  Not only that, but I had a ten pound puppy curled up in a little ball sleeping on my chest.

yay.

I had to go to the bathroom.  How in the world was I going to get out from under the covers without waking anyone?

I wiggled my way out as slowing and gently as I could hoping I wouldn't disturb anyone.

Success!

On my way back from our bathroom, I thought, "There's an empty bed in Faith's room!"

I grabbed the puppy (because I actually like sleeping with the puppy) and my phone (which is also my alarm clock) and made my way down the hall to Faith's room, crawled into her bed and counted the minutes I had left to sleep.

Fifty-two.  Fifty-two minutes left until my day would begin.

Darn it all if I wasn't going to make the best of those fifty-two minutes!

I was asleep in seconds...and in what seemed like only a few seconds more...the alarm went off!

I got Parker up and off to early morning jazz band and decided to let Faith sleep in a little.  Daddy was still home so I wasn't worried.

When I got home from dropping Parker off, there was Miss Faith...wide awake and eating breakfast.  Daddy was making her lunch.  She was ready for the day!

While we were on our way to school I asked her again, "Sweetie...was there something troubling you last night?  Something bothering you?  You know you can talk to mommy about anything!"

To which she responded, "No, mom!  There's nothing bothering me at all.  I think I was just excited about getting back to school today and seeing all my friends!"

Wait...?

...All that because she's was excited to get back to school?

I guess when she puts it THAT way...I certainly can't complain now, can I?


Wishing you a peaceFULLYsimple...and wide-awake day!

peace.
Jeanine

Couldn't Have Said It Any Better...

peace.
Jeanine

BEAUTIFUL MESS?

Beautiful:  
1.  possessing qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind

Mess:

1.  dirty or untidy state of things or of a place
2.  make untidy or dirty

Beautiful and Messy.  These two words certainly don't seem to go hand-in-hand, do they?  I don't think they do, anyway.

I once had someone in my life who seemed (or so I thought) to have it all together.  So I asked her how she did it.  She said, "Jeanine...I'm a beautiful mess."

Huh?

How can you be "beautiful" and a "mess" at the same time?

Then I started to think about it.  Beauty...as in the eye of the beholder.  God created me and in His eyes I am beautiful.

I, however, mess up.  A LOT!

I'm a continual "work in progress"...in body, in mind, in spirit.

I see my flaws.  I see wounds accumulated during life's journey.  I look in the mirror and still see the scars of teenage years and have a difficult time allowing people to look at my face for fear they will see ugly.  God looks at me and sees none of it...only the me He created and loves.

I see an imperfect body.  One that over the years has changed and sagged and expanded in more ways than I can count.  God sees a body that carried lives from their very beginnings...and three times to their early journeys back to Him.

I open my mouth and fumble what comes out.  I hear only the mistakes or slip-ups of my words.  God hears the words of my heart.

I see the once proficient talents and skills that kept up with the world around me but have lessened in adequacy during my season of mothering.  God sees a woman who has new talents and skills and encourages and supports her to see them herself.

I see a woman who falls short as a wife and mother.  God sees the abundant love in her heart for her husband and children and the desires she has to nurture them, encourage them and support them in each step of their life's journey.  He knows this love because He has this love ten-fold for her.

As hard as I try not to...I create messes or I see messes within myself.  Oftentimes, I allow the messes to define me.

But God doesn't see me that way.  He doesn't define me as a mess.  He loves me...with all my imperfections and flaws and insecurities and self-judgement.  He makes it clear to me every day how much He loves me.  He shows Himself to me each day...sometimes in big ways...but most often in the small and ordinary things of the day.  Even though He doesn't have to, He proves Himself...especially in times of doubt and worry and distress.

He does this because He "is."

It's that simple...and complex...all wrapped into one.

He "is"...God...Almighty...Creator...Father.

So as I journey through life I know that I will continue to mess up, to make mistakes, to doubt, to fear, to judge...to be human.  And every day...because of God's grace and mercy and His love for me...He will look past the mess and see beauty in the person I strive to be for Him.

peace.
Jeanine

  

James 4:17

"So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin."

Last night we got a beautiful snow.  It's probably not so beautiful today for those with a morning commute.  It was a heavy, wet snow so the roads are a slushy-gushy mess.  But these heavy, wet snows stick to stuff...like trees...and when they sparkle in the sun they look like diamonds!

Heavy, wet, snow sticks to street signs, too.  It was a stop sign that lead me to look up scripture when I got home from taking the kids to school.

Wait...

A snow-covered stop sign lead me to scripture?

Yep.  That's sort of how things work with me.  It's the every day, ordinary stuff that gets me to thinking about stuff.

The stop sign looked like this:

Looks like stop sign.  But the message of "STOP" is covered up by wet sticky snow.

I KNOW this is a stop sign.  I KNOW I'm supposed to stop.  I KNOW because it's the rules of driving.  Just because the message is covered up doesn't mean I can ignore it.  I doubt that should I have decided to proceed through this stop sign without stopping and got pulled over by a police office that he...or she...would cut me much slack if I said, "Well...you see officer...the words on the sign were covered with snow so how was I to know I should stop?"

I don't think the police office would appreciate a comment like that...and they darn well shouldn't!  I'd probably get slapped with a whole lot more than a ticket!  It's not acceptable because I KNOW the right thing to do...whether the message on the sign is covered up or not.

So then I got to thinking about this a little more.  It's a little like this in life, too.  Okay...it's a LOT like this in life.   We know the right thing to do.  We know, for example, to treat others the way we want to be treated.  Yes...it says so in the Bible.  Jesus tells us this right there in Luke 6:31:  "Do to others as you would have them do to you."  But do we need to have the Bible opened to the exact page in the Bible that contains this scripture so we can see the words to know that we need to abide by them and then carry that Bible opened to the exact page with us throughout our day so we know to follow this message?

No.

Do I as a parent need to put a sign up in our house that reads, "The following words are not allowed in our house: ______, ________, ________ and especially not ____________!"

No.

My children know that if these words are said they will get in serious trouble.  Do they get to leave the house and say them because they can't see the sign that mom has posted at home?

No.  And if they do...they will not be able to come up with enough excuses for why they used these words because they know the right thing to do.

So just because the sign is snow covered or the book isn't open to the exact page doesn't mean we can ignore the message.  When we know what's right, we must do it.  When we see a wrong being done, we must stand up to it...because it's the right thing to do.  When we see someone tearing down we must do the right thing and build it up.  When we see someone hurting, we must do the right thing and help bring healing.  When we see chaos and destruction, we must do the right thing and bring peace.  When we see hatred, we must do the right thing and show love.  When we see naked, we must do the right thing and provide clothing.  When we see hungry, we must do the right thing and provide food.  When we see homeless, we must do the right thing and provide shelter.

Is it always easy?

Nope.

Jesus never said it would be.

He just tells us it's worth it.

So go ahead...do the right thing.

Put on a Nike shirt if you need to for inspiration and go on...

..."Just do it!"

peace.

Jeanine

VERY COOL!

I haven't written on this blog for a while.
But this week something happened that brought me back here.

A few weeks ago I shared with a friend's daughter (she's going into 5th grade) about peaceFULLYsimple.  She asked what it meant.  I told her that I use the concept of "peaceFULLYsimple" when making decisions related to myself, my marriage, my family...pretty much anything important.  When deciding something I want to feel at peace with my decision...not anxious or unsure.  My decision might take me out of my "comfort zone"...but I can still feel peaceful about it.  I also said that I want my decision to be simple.  It might be a big decision that causes some chaos...but then something else has to go.
I try to make decisions that make me feel "peace"...FULLY.
I try to make decisions that "simplify"...FULLY.
Thus...peaceFULLYsimple.

This week my friend shared with me that her daughter had a decision to make and she used the concept of peaceFULLYsimple to make that decision.  My friend said her daughter repeated what I told her about peaceFULLYsimple and wrote some things down on paper during her decision-making process.

I can't even tell you how much this touched me heart to know that someone...the first person other than my husband...took this to heart.

I think that's pretty.darn.cool!

peace.
jeanine

Choices

Every choice moves us closer to or farther away from something. Where are your choices taking your life? What do your behaviors demonstrate that you are saying yes or no to in life?~ Eric Allenbaugh

Every day when I drop my children off at school I say these exact words to them, "Make good choices, do something nice and know that I love you!"

Every day they say, "Yeah...okay, mom.  Love you, too!"

Oh how I pray that they are not just hearing my words to them but that they are actually listening to my words.  That they understand how important those words are to everyday life.

Believe me...it took a while for me to understand these words.  I haven't always made good choices and often-times I still make the wrong choice.  Most-often my choices were/are right...but for the wrong reasons.  I made/make choices to keep other people happy, even though it wasn't/isn't the right choice for me.  It wasn't until I neared the age of 40 that I finally started making significant choices for myself...choices that stepped away from doing what others expected of me and making the choices that were right for me, for my marriage, for my family and as a mom.  Choices that made me happy.  One particular choice wasn't easy, that's for sure.  But I needed to plant my feet firmly in faith, do what I knew was right and more importantly go where God wanted me to go.  That was nearly seven years and I haven't regretted it since.

In making good choices I have had to let go of certain areas and people in my life.  Sometimes this has been horribly difficult...but honestly...sometimes it's really easy.  It feels good to let go of things that I know cause me to second-guess myself and my values.

I'm sure there were many times in my life that the people closest to me could see that I was going to make a bad choice.  No matter what they said I was not changing my mind.  More often-than-not that bad choice taught me a valuable lesson.  Now that I'm a parent myself I can see how hard that process is to watch.  Fortunately we haven't hit anything significant with either of our kids...but I'm sure that time will come and when it does we will continue to let them know how much we love them, no matter what.

Right now I'm sitting back and quietly watching someone in my life make two significantly less-than-stellar choices.  I'm sure they will not change their mind, no matter what I say.  They, too, must come to the realization themselves and learn the valuable lesson that comes from bad choices.  Meanwhile, I will pray for this realization to hit quickly before it impacts those too innocent to know otherwise.

I'm continuing to learn that I must be cautious with my "yes" and "no" answers in life.  When I answer "yes" to bad choices, I'm saying "no" to God.  When I say "yes" to God...well...that really doesn't give bad choices much of chance now, does it?

Wishing you a peaceFULLYsimple day.
Jeanine

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Wishing you an abundance of peace, joy and love during this celebration of life's greatest gift, the birth of Jesus Christ.